The Los Angeles Police Department is seeking the fast track for new laws to ban face coverings, gas masks or even goggles at public demonstrations, where the devices could weaken officers who want to control crowds with pepper spray and other chemicals. ... If protesters wear scarves around their noses and mouths and swim goggles to protect their eyes at public gatherings, Hillman told the commission, “the ability of that officer to gain compliance is restricted.”

Well, cry me a fuckin' river. I guess I forgot that as a criminal, it's my responsibility to avoid inconveniencing my arresting officer. I suppose I ought to stop wearing this bulletproof vest, too, in case a cop decides it's in his best interest to shoot me.

Hey, police, why don't you take a cue from us criminals? Remember those “The Club” commercials? If we're planning to steal a car, but it has “The Club” installed, we move on to an easier target. So when you see a demonstrator you want to arrest, but he or she is wearing goggles, just move on to another demonstrator! There are plenty to go around. I'm sure you'll be able to make your quota.

Seriously though, what happened to freedom of assembly? I guess that's a rhetorical question, but I'm also genuinely curious.

On Twitter: @mogwai_poet